I just threw up on my dentist
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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