Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
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