I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I forget how to act sober
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
