i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
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Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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