My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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