We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
