She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
