Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize