My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
