I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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