i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
