I'm lost and stupid without you.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
