when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
