I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
