i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Of course I have a pirate flag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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