69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
