I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
