I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
