Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
