Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
