I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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