I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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