covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
She bit a glass in half.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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