I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
