i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
We left the knife in your bed.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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