They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
