It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Randomize
