p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
