I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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