He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
