i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
