I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God