names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
