is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
