Your mouth is God's brothel.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
