no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
