the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
