I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
