Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
