i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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