East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
