pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I wish you could order shots online.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Randomize
