My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
