Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
