i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
