Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
