I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
