I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
