I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Text me some of your sweat
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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