If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
