i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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