You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
