I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
