I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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