i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
