if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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