her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
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And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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