3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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