You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
