I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
