from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
