I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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