YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
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