would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I can't turn off my feet"
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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