If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
