I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
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I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
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He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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