Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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