Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
