btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just gift wrapped bread.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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